Advice to a high schooler

Last night, I had to counsel Ethan because he didn't understand why he had to prioritise his studies over his fun stuff.

Maybe this article will help him comprehend.

By Bob Perks

Dear High School Graduate:

You're moving on and leaving behind some of your best friends ever. At the same time you are taking them with you, because who you are today is a combination of things.  That includes those people you hung out with, those people you tried to avoid and those who were like family to you.

You are a collection of all of them and yourself at the same time. Through your high school years you were like a sponge absorbing everything around you.  The good and not so good. 

As you step off that stage onto the solid ground of growing up, you will begin to shed some of those influences.  The cap and gown is returned.  The party is over and you are on your way to another world. 

College.

I can't tell you what that world will look like.  I can tell you that you are about to make a bunch of new friends who will have the biggest impact on your life. 

It is very important that you set boundaries and guidelines in this area.

Unlike high school friends, this next round will have more of an impact on you as you get closer to entering adulthood. You are all developing habits and skills at the same time.  You are all on your own for the first time.  These years will be filled with firsts.

I suggest that you look at it as auditioning people for different roles in a new feature film or play you are about to write.  Every person will play a  part, know their lines and help you to make this a block buster hit, or a complete flop.

You are the director.  Who plays those roles is your choice.  YOUR choice.

No one else can choose your friends.

You will have a hard time keeping in touch with friends of the past.  That's fine.

You will need to make time for a social life in college, but you will not go out as much as you think.  There is work to be done and it needs to be done right.  Your real world life ahead depends on it.  The time will go fast, too.

These new friends you have chosen will either help you to get there or hold you back.  Find the friends who believe that, too.

Seek out friends who have a plan.  Not people who are simply passing through.

One study shows, "having and keeping close friends throughout life is important for emotional health," said Glenn Sparks of Purdue University. "And college is a key time for generating close friends," he said.

"This is a kind of a unique time in people's lives, and they have the time and the frequency of contact with each other to really develop these kinds of close relationships," Sparks said.

Put down the phone and pick up the conversation around you.

Still another report says, "While it is tempting for new college students to stay connected with high school friends through Facebook or email, a communication expert encourages them to take time to mute their phones, close their laptops and meet people the old-fashioned way: face to face.

"College students should take advantage of conversational time around them as they wait for a class, walk around campus or sit outside to eat a snack," says Glenn Sparks, a Purdue University professor of communication who studies how mass media affect people's relationships. 

"Keeping in touch with family and friends back home is important, but it can take students away from interacting with those in their immediate environment.

"It can be tempting, and sometimes easier, to spend free time glancing at Facebook or responding to text messages, but when other people are present, students should turn off their phones and get to know those around them."

So, my new High School graduate..."I wish you friends" is the best advice I can offer.

How you will be is who you surround yourself with

Are you a friend?

A friend is a person whom you want to have near when you are dying.
And whom you like to be with while you are living;
To whom you spontaneously turn to for help when you are in trouble.
And who is the first to hear the good news when you have good fortune;
Whose counsel you seek when you are perplexed.
And whose congratulations you welcome when the perplexity is solved;
In whom you can confide the secret you want no other living soul to know.
Yet will never pry into your heart to discover whether there are any more secrets to be revealed;
On whom you can lean on when your heart aches.
But who will never take advantage of your leaning;
Who will get down on their knees beside you when you are down.
And forgot they did so when you are on your feet again.
And whose shoulder you can weep on when you are sad.
And with whom you enjoy laughing with when you are glad;
Who has a tear on their cheek when you suffer.
And a twinkle in their eyes when the sun shines on you again;
Who has pain in their tone when you are in distress.
And a melody in their voice when your heart is gay;
Who admires you for your strong points.
But loves you in spite of your weak ones;
Who makes allowances for your limitations,
Without allowing them to obscure your talents;
Who is proud of you when fortune favors you.
But not ashamed of you when you fail;
Who contributes to your success without claiming any share in it.
Who can feel and show satisfaction when you please them
But never resentment when you disappoint them;
Who will tell you the truth even when it hurts.
And to whom you can tell the truth without them taking offense;
Who is not ashamed to ask you a favor even at the risk of being imposed upon.
Who can extend a helping hand and lighten your load
Without expecting any other reward than having had the privilege of so doing.
Who gives all they can whenever they can 
Without ever keeping record of what has been given.
Who says the best about you when everybody else is saying the worst.
Every person needs such friends
Every person owes it to themselves to be such a friend!

Forever friends

To all my Tiger friends!
Sometimes in life,
You find a special friend,
Someone who changes your life
Just by being a part of it


Someone who makes you laugh
Until you can't stop
Someone who makes you believe
That there really is good in the world


Someone who convinces you that
There really is an unlocked door
Just waiting for you to open it.
This is a Forever Friendship


When you're down,
And the world seems dark and empty,
Your forever friend lifts you up in spirit
And makes that dark and empty world
Suddenly seem bright and full.


Your forever friend gets you through
The hard times, the sad times,
And the confusing times.
If you turn and walk away,
Your forever friend follows.


If you lose your way,
Your forever friend guides you
And cheers you on.
Your forever friend holds your hand
And tells you that everything
Is going to be okay.


And if you find such a friend,
You feel happy and complete,
Because you need not worry.
You have a forever friend for life,
And forever has no end.

Proven Ways to Get Along Better With EVERYONE

Everyone tells me that they have difficulties getting along. With their colleagues, with their bosses, with relatives etc.
But they never look introspectively.
1.  Before you say anything to anyone, ask yourself 3 things:

    1.  Is it true?
    2.  Is it kind?
    3.  Is it necessary?

2.  Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully.

3.  Never miss the opportunity to compliment or say something encouraging to someone.

4.  Refuse to talk negatively about others; don't gossip and don't listen to gossip. 

5.  Have a forgiving view of people.  Believe that most people are doing the best they can.

6.  Keep an open mind; discuss, but don't argue.  (It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable.)

7.  Forget about counting to 10.  Count to 1,000 before doing or saying anything that could make matters worse.

8.  Let your virtues speak for themselves.

9.  If someone criticizes you, see if there is any TRUTH to what he is saying; if so, make changes.  If there is no truth to the criticism, ignore   it and live so that no one will believe the negative remark.

10. Cultivate your sense of humor; laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

11. Do not seek so much to be consoled, as to console; do not seek so much to be understood, as to understand; do not seek so much to be loved as to love.

When does a man need a brother

Lonely and alone, discouraged and empty hearted
That's when a man needs a brother

When the burden is heavy, the load too much to bear
That's when a man needs a brother

When in despair, and needing someone to care
That's when a man needs a brother

When the strong arm on your shoulders make the tears flow free
That's when a man needs a brother

When the words, "we'll make it through together" seem so sweet
That's when a man needs a brother

When courage is needed and strength to carry on
That's when a man needs a brother

When you think you can do it alone
That's when a man needs a brother

Evaluating your Associations

by Jim Rohn

If you were to evaluate the major influences in your life that have shaped the kind of person you are,

this has to be high on the list: the people and thoughts you choose to allow into your life. Mr. Shoaff

gave me a very important warning in those early days that I would like to share with you. He said,

"Never underestimate the power of influence." Indeed, the influence of those around us is so

powerful! Many times we don't even realize we're being strongly affected because influences

generally develop over an extended period of time.

Peer pressure is an especially powerful force because it is so subtle. If you're around people who

spend all they make, chances are excellent that you'll spend all you make. If you are around people

who go to more ball games than concerts, chances are excellent that you'll do the same thing. If you

are around people who don't read, chances are excellent that you won't read. People can keep

nudging us off course a little at a time until finally, we find ourselves asking, "How did I get here?"

Those subtle influences need to be studied carefully if we really want our lives to turn out the way

we've planned.

With regard to this important point, let me give you three key questions to ask yourself.

They may help you to make better analysis of your current associations.

The second question is:

"What are these associations doing to me?" That's a major question to ask. What have they got

me doing? What have they got me listening to? What have they got me reading? Where have

they got me going? What do they have me thinking? How have they got me talking? How have

they got me feeling? What have they got me saying? You've got to make a serious study of how

others are influencing you, both negatively and positively.

Here's a final question:

"Is that okay?" Maybe everyone you associate with has been a positive, energizing influence.

Then again, maybe there are some bad apples in the bunch. All I'm suggesting here is that you

take a close and objective look. Everything is worth a second look, especially the power of

influence. Both will take you somewhere, but only one will take you in the direction you need to

go.

It's easy to just dismiss the things that influence our lives. One man says, "I live here, but I don't

think it matters. I'm around these people, but I don't think it hurts." I would take another look at

that. Remember, everything matters! Sure, some things matter more than others, but everything

amounts to something. You've got to keep checking to find out whether your associations are

tipping the scales toward the positive or toward the negative. Ignorance is never the best policy.

Finding out is the best policy.

Perhaps you've heard the story of the little bird. He had his wing over his eye and he was crying. The

owl said to the bird, "You are crying." "Yes," said the little bird, and he pulled his wing away from his

eye. "Oh, I see," said the owl. "You're crying because the big bird pecked out your eye." And the little

bird said, "No, I'm not crying because the big bird pecked out my eye. I'm crying because I let him."

It's easy to let influence shape our lives, to let associations determine our direction, to let pressures

overwhelm us, and to let tides take us. The big question is, are we letting ourselves become what we

wish to become?

"How did I get here?"

We then asked three key questions:

1) "Who am I around?"

You've got to evaluate everybody who is able to influence you in any way.

2) "What are these associations doing to me?"

That's a major question to ask. What have they got me doing, listening to, reading, thinking

and feeling? You've got to make a serious study of how others are influencing you, both

negatively and positively.

3) "Is that okay?"

Maybe everyone you associate with has been a positive, energizing influence. Then again,

maybe there are some bad apples in the bunch. All I'm suggesting here is that you take a

close and objective look. Everything is worth a second look, especially the power of

influence. Both will take you somewhere, but only one will take you in the direction you

need to go.

This week we wanted to discuss three ways to handle associations or relationships that are holding

you back.

1) Disassociate.

This is not an easy decision, nor something you should take lightly, but in some cases it

may be essential (please don't email me asking to advise you about this, only you can

decide). You may just have to make the hard choice not to let certain negative influences

affect you anymore. It could be a choice that preserves the quality of your life.

2) Limited association.

Spend major time with major influence and minor time with minor influences. It is easy to

do just the opposite, but don't fall into that trap. Take a look at your priorities and your

values. We have so little time at our disposal. Wouldn't it make sense to invest it wisely?

3) Expanding your associations.

This is the one I suggest you focus on the most. Find other successful people that you can

spend more time with. Invite them to lunch (pick up the tab) and ask them how they have

achieved so much or what makes them successful. Now, this is not just about financial

success, it can be someone that you want to learn from about having a better marriage,

being a better parent, having better health or a stronger spiritual life.

It is called association on purpose - getting around the right people by expanding your circle of

influence. And when you do that, you will naturally limit the relationships that are holding you back.

“Give it a try and see for yourself.”

The very least you can do

The very least you can do

Bob Perks
It sounds terrible.

It seems inadequate, maybe inappropriate... to do the very least.

"I heard about their divorce.  I felt bad, but I didn't know what to say.  So, I haven't called."

"He's dying from cancer.  I was his best man at their wedding.  I just can't see him like that. So, I'm not stopping by.  I want to remember him
in better times."

I don't know how you feel about reading those two statements.  They are true.  I heard people say it. So, what's the very least they could have done?

Called.

Sent a note.

We clearly are not called to do nothing at all.

This is when "The very least you can do" is better  than doing nothing at all.

I have heard it called, "burden sharing."  Biblical examples abound.

Romans 12:10 - Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Proverbs 31:8-9 - "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

I'm not preaching here.  I'm not a preacher.  I am a man, a human being who believes there is always something one can do even if it is the very least.

Like the smile given freely.

The kind word spoken.

Being there and not saying anything.  Your presence says it all.

The next time you see someone in need ask yourself, "What's the very least I can do?"

Then do it.

Sometimes the least you can do for someone is the most anyone has done...ever.

For friendship and humanity

Once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel. All claimed that they were the best. The most
important. The most useful. The most beautiful. The favorite.

Green said:
"Clearly I am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves.
Without me, all animals would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority."

Blue interrupted:
"You only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing."

Yellow chuckled:

"You are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun."

Orange started next to blow her trumpet:
"I am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but I am precious for I serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangoes, and papayas. I don't hang around all the time, but when I fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you."

Red could stand it no longer he shouted out:
"I am the ruler of all of you. I am blood - life's blood! I am the color of danger and of bravery. I am willing to fight for a cause. I bring fire into the blood. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy."

Purple rose up to his full height:

He was very tall and spoke with great pomp: "I am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for I am the sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me! They listen and obey."

Finally Indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination:
"Think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I
represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."

And so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarrelling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening, thunder rolled and boomed. Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort.

In the midst of the clamour, rain began to speak:
"You foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest. Don't you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me."

Doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands.

The rain continued:
"From now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The Rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow." And so, whenever a good rain washes the world and a Rainbow appears in the sky, to let us remember to appreciate one another.