Advice to a high schooler

Last night, I had to counsel Ethan because he didn't understand why he had to prioritise his studies over his fun stuff.

Maybe this article will help him comprehend.

By Bob Perks

Dear High School Graduate:

You're moving on and leaving behind some of your best friends ever. At the same time you are taking them with you, because who you are today is a combination of things.  That includes those people you hung out with, those people you tried to avoid and those who were like family to you.

You are a collection of all of them and yourself at the same time. Through your high school years you were like a sponge absorbing everything around you.  The good and not so good. 

As you step off that stage onto the solid ground of growing up, you will begin to shed some of those influences.  The cap and gown is returned.  The party is over and you are on your way to another world. 

College.

I can't tell you what that world will look like.  I can tell you that you are about to make a bunch of new friends who will have the biggest impact on your life. 

It is very important that you set boundaries and guidelines in this area.

Unlike high school friends, this next round will have more of an impact on you as you get closer to entering adulthood. You are all developing habits and skills at the same time.  You are all on your own for the first time.  These years will be filled with firsts.

I suggest that you look at it as auditioning people for different roles in a new feature film or play you are about to write.  Every person will play a  part, know their lines and help you to make this a block buster hit, or a complete flop.

You are the director.  Who plays those roles is your choice.  YOUR choice.

No one else can choose your friends.

You will have a hard time keeping in touch with friends of the past.  That's fine.

You will need to make time for a social life in college, but you will not go out as much as you think.  There is work to be done and it needs to be done right.  Your real world life ahead depends on it.  The time will go fast, too.

These new friends you have chosen will either help you to get there or hold you back.  Find the friends who believe that, too.

Seek out friends who have a plan.  Not people who are simply passing through.

One study shows, "having and keeping close friends throughout life is important for emotional health," said Glenn Sparks of Purdue University. "And college is a key time for generating close friends," he said.

"This is a kind of a unique time in people's lives, and they have the time and the frequency of contact with each other to really develop these kinds of close relationships," Sparks said.

Put down the phone and pick up the conversation around you.

Still another report says, "While it is tempting for new college students to stay connected with high school friends through Facebook or email, a communication expert encourages them to take time to mute their phones, close their laptops and meet people the old-fashioned way: face to face.

"College students should take advantage of conversational time around them as they wait for a class, walk around campus or sit outside to eat a snack," says Glenn Sparks, a Purdue University professor of communication who studies how mass media affect people's relationships. 

"Keeping in touch with family and friends back home is important, but it can take students away from interacting with those in their immediate environment.

"It can be tempting, and sometimes easier, to spend free time glancing at Facebook or responding to text messages, but when other people are present, students should turn off their phones and get to know those around them."

So, my new High School graduate..."I wish you friends" is the best advice I can offer.