Friday, January 27, 2012

Five Regrets of the Dying


Apparently, I'm all about happiness today. 
It's strange that I'm a short while away from achieving what I have wanted to do for a long while, but all this time, I'm making myself unhappy. 
Perhaps it was a sacrifice to pay to get here. 
Perhaps I may have overestimated and underestimated certain matters.
But no more. 
I am going to be living it, and it's all up to me.
None of these 5 will have their chance to haunt me.

Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Ware 
Platinum Quality Author

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
 
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.  But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.  When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness

When do you choose to be happy?

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. 


I can choose which it shall be. 


Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. 


I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx
1890-1977, Comedian and Film Star

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Before speaking.......

Someone who is about to admonish another must realize within himself five qualities before doing so [that he may be able to say], thus: "In due season will I speak, not out of season. In truth I will speak, not in falsehood. Gently will I speak, not harshly. To his profit will I speak, not to his loss. With kindly intent will I speak, not in anger."

- Vinaya Pitaka

RECIPE FOR A PROSPEROUS, PEACEFUL YEAR

It's 6 more days to New Year!

Take twelve, fine, full-grown months, see that these are free from all old memories of bitterness, rancor, hate and jealousy; cleanse them completely from every clinging spite: pick off all specks of pettiness and littleness; in short, see that these months are freed as much as possible from the past.

Cut these months into 29, 30 or 31 equal parts. This batch will keep for just one year. Do not attempt to make up the whole batch at one time (so many persons spoil the entire lot in this way), but prepare one day at a time, as follows:

Into each day put
twelve parts of faith,
eleven of patience,
ten of courage,
nine of work,
eight of hope,
seven of fidelity,
six of liberality,
five of kindness,
four of rest,
three of prayer,
two of meditation,
and one well selected resolution.

If you have no conscientious scruples, put in about a teaspoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play, and a heaping cupful of good humor.

Pour into the whole love ad libitum and mix with a vim. Cook thoroughly in a fervent heat; garnish with a few smiles and a sprig of joy; then serve with quietness, unselfishness, and cheerfulness, and a Happy New Year is certain

Saturday, January 14, 2012

99% perspiration

Don't bother about genius. Don't worry about being clever.
Trust to hard work, perseverance and determination.

- Sir Frederick Treves(1853-1923)

Where is He?

There was a little boy,
On the week's first day,
Coming home from Sunday School
And wandering on the way.

He scuffed his shoes into the grass
And found a caterpillar.
He found a fluffy milkweed pod
And blew out all the filler.

A bird's nest in a tree above,
So wisely placed on high,
Was just another wonder
That caught his eager eye.

A neighbor watched his crooked course
And hailed him from the lawn.
He asked him where he'd been that day
And what was going on.

"I've been to Sunday School," he said
As he turned a piece of sod,
And picking up a worm, he smiled,
"I've learned a lot from God!"

"That's a fine way," the neighbor said,
"For a boy to spend his time.
"Now if you can tell me where God is,
I'll give you a brand new dime."

Quick as a flash the answer came,
The boy said without complaint,
"I'll give you a dollar, Mister,
If you can tell me where God ain't!"

When we were young

Remember when we were young?   Life was so simple then...

 Symptoms and prognosis:

 1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him/her.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Ventricular fibrillation and Myocardial Infarction.

 2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Parkinson's Disease

 3. Constant smiling.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Bell's Palsy

 4. Absent mindedness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Early Onset of Alzheimer's Disease

 5. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when she calls or comes over.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Multiple Sclerosis

 6. Inability to stop thinking about her.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

 7. Bruising on neck, and other tender areas.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Leukemia

 8. Insomnia.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia

 9. Feeling that you can smell/hear/feel her when not in her presence.
 Symptoms then: Love
 Prognosis now: Schizophrenia