Happy 2025!

 I'm in near disbelief, because the past 365 days has probably been the craziest roller coaster of my life yet.

2024 started with dread, worry and fear. Getting me a few white hairs in that first 3 months. 

Then magic happened in April. And it just became better and better there.

Then the year ended so beautifully good. I've never been more grateful and totally immersed in gratitude.

I believe in the power of attracting what you truly desire and it worked so well. 

Here's to an even better year in 2025:

1. Wake up early. There’s a different kind of peace in those hours that belong just to you.

2. Find your version of prayer. Sometimes talking to something bigger than your worries helps them feel smaller.

3. Move your body when your mind gets too loud. Your body knows the way back to peace.

4. Write down your thoughts. They’re trying to tell you something important.

5. Take five deep breaths when things feel heavy. Your breath has been keeping you alive this whole time — it knows what it’s doing.

6. Sit with yourself, even on the messy days. Especially on the messy days.

7. Keep a list of people who light up different parts of you.

8. Notice what makes you jealous — it’s usually pointing to something your heart wants to explore.

9. Pay attention to what draws you to certain friends. They’re often reflecting back parts of you that are ready to grow.

10. Rest like it matters. Everything’s harder when you’re running on empty.

11. Start a morning ritual. Create a container for the day that feels like yours.

12. Do one thing daily that builds trust with yourself. (I’m doing 100 push-ups — find your own thing.)

13. Talk to your parents about things that matter. The hard conversations are usually the ones worth having.

14. Keep asking yourself better questions. The answers grow as you do.

15. Let go of grudges. They’re heavy, and your heart needs the space for better things.

16. Host simple gatherings. Real connections happen when we stop trying to make everything perfect.

17. Read books that make you feel less alone. Sometimes the right words find you when you need them.

18. Take notes on things that light you up. Your enthusiasm is trying to show you your path.

19. Write to understand yourself. Not to sound smart, just to sound true.

20. Walk without a destination sometimes. Some thoughts only find you when you’re moving.

21. Take long showers when you need to reset. Some clarity only comes with hot water and quiet.

22. Live more in today. Tomorrow’s worries can wait; this moment has gifts too.

23. Focus on one thing at a time. Presence is a practice.

24. Create something, anything. Expression is medicine for soul.

25. Dress in ways that feel like you. Your body deserves to feel at home in what it wears.

26. Reply to messages mindfully. Clear inbox, clearer mind.

27. Take responsibility for the energy you bring. Some days that means being gentle with yourself.

28. Lead with kindness. Notice how kindness changes things. Everyone’s carrying something we can’t see.

29. Spend time in nature. Trees don’t care about your to-do list.

30. Listen like you might miss something beautiful. You probably will.

31. Write notes of appreciation. Tell people what they mean to you while you can.

32. Work from new places sometimes. Different spaces wake up different parts of you.

33. Try new restaurants. Small adventures count too.

34. Learn something with your hands. Digital wisdom is great, but your hands have their own kind of knowing.

35. Make playlists for different parts of yourself. Let music say what words can’t.

36. Keep your bedroom a sanctuary. You need somewhere to land when the world gets too loud.

37. Find your signature scent. Let your presence be a subtle kind of poetry.

38. Have different walking routes for different moods. Some paths help you think, others help you forget.

39. Save things that make you genuinely laugh. Joy deserves documentation too.

40. Learn one thing deeply. Become someone people call when they need that specific light.

41. Track what you’ve done, not just what needs ot be done. You’re probably growing more than you realize.

42. Build a small emergency fund. Peace of mind creates space for bigger dreams.

43. Learn to cook one thing that feels like home. Food has a way of grounding us when nothing else can.

44. Keep a digital scrapbook of what moves you. Memory is a form of self-love.

45. Practice saying no when things don’t feel right. Boundaries are how you honor your yes.

46. Express gratitude for the small things. The ordinary moments are where life really lives.

47. Give yourself permission to change your mind.

48. Get comfortable with not knowing. Mystery is part of the journey.

49. Define success on your own terms. Your path doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.

50. Trust the timing of your growth. Some flowers bloom late, and they’re no less beautiful for it.

Migrating to Australia, Good Meh???

This article was excerpted and adapted from the book "Migrating to Australia, Good Meh???"




The age-old adage, “the grass is always greener on the other side”, does signal unwise and unrealistic optimism. Australia is a favourite destination for Malaysians wishing for a better life, but its sparkling and seemingly rich shores, as writer Ken Soon discovers, can be deceptive.
By Ken Soong
I am a Malaysian living in Melbourne, Australia. My brother, sister and I migrated here in 2004. Our parents came along as well. We applied under the “individual skilled migrant” category and later sponsored our parents. They were given a “bridging” visa from January 2005 until July 2012 before they were finally granted their permanent resident visa. This category of visa allows “aged parents” to stay in Australia on one condition – they must have “two-thirds” of their children living in Australia. Since all three of us were here, they had more than two-third majority.
This article is not about the technicalities of migrating. Rather, it is about the “why” of migrating. Most Malaysians who have migrated or have decided to migrate (soon) to Australia told me that their children would have a better future if they grew up in Australia. Back in 2004, I would have fully agreed with them. The idea of “becoming better off in terms of education, career, family life and life in general” in Australia was a no-brainer for me – of course we would be better off in Australia.




Ten years on, I have come to realise that Australia is not as good as we have all made it out or hoped it to be. We have no one (not even Australia since it is only natural that every government presents its country to the world in the most favourable light) but ourselves to blame for our own failure to make a more objective assessment about our future in Australia as migrants. Most of us are still using a very outdated perspective, rooted in our recent colonial history, with which to see the world.
For migrants who came to Australia back in the 1960s, the 1970s or even the 1980s, their decision to migrate would have benefitted them much more than if they were to do it today. Back in those days, Malaysia was still not adequately developed, modernised and industrialised. Foreign direct investments, education and infrastructure were definitely a far cry from today’s standards. Particularly for the average Malaysian professional, his or her work would have been much more richly rewarded in Australia than back home.
If a Sudanese or Afghan were to migrate to Australia today, then I can say with almost absolute certainty that their lives will be better off. But today’s Malaysians had better think twice. Jobs are moving in big numbers from Australia to Asia; Australian educational institutions are failing many of their own students, with many schools (even public ones) turning to attracting more students from China, Korea and other Asian countries for financial reasons; drug-related crimes and schoolyard bullying are becoming more rampant; and the total cost of income support (i.e. welfare) payment has now (as of 2014) topped A$70bil a year.
These trends and developments are here to stay, and the shift of fortune from the West to the East is an irreversible one. Investor Jim Rogers frequently remarked that if you were smart in 1807, you would go to London, if you were smart in 1907, you would go to New York, but if you were smart in 2007, you would go to Asia. (In 2007, Rogers moved his entire family to Singapore.)
So I wonder, why on earth are we still leaving Malaysia? What are we actually running away from? While most of us think that we are running away from some potential or real political threat, the actual fact might well be that we are running away from some real lifetime opportunities! With market saturation and an ageing population in the EU, US, Australia, New Zealand, Japan and China, the Asean region, with its population size, relatively young median age and richness in natural resources, is poised to grow like never before.


Calligrapher at work during the 2014 Sydney Chinese New Year Festival. The most populous city in Australia also has a significant migrant population

When jobs are getting scarce in Australia, why move there at all? Already we are seeing Malaysian migrants’ Australian-born children returning to Singapore and Malaysia to work in high corporate positions because they could not get that kind of opportunity back in Australia! Sending your children to Australia today does not necessarily mean that they will benefit from being exposed to different cultures, because there are now so many Asian students in Australian schools that they do not have to interact or mingle with their Australian classmates anymore! It also means that these children risk being exposed to the rising drug-related crimes on Australian streets, and by the time we retire, the Australian government would not have enough to support our retirements. Yes, Australia is famous for its social safety net. But this net has many holes in it, each of which is getting larger by the day!
Still, without fail, we Malaysians have somehow managed to convince ourselves that Australia has more of a future to offer than Malaysia. To be fair, I shall wait for another few years to find out, because the future I envisaged for myself in Australia is still not here. Will it ever be here? For my American neighbour and my British and South African friends, they are reasonably happy and satisfied here, but not so much for Malaysians, I feel. Maybe it will happen for us one day. Maybe.
Not many migrants want to admit failure in achieving their goals here. I know of at least two such migrants – one telling friends he works for ANZ Bank (one of the leading banks in Australia) in Melbourne and the other telling people he works for American Express in Sydney. In truth, both of them are working for two Australiabased call centres which provide outsourced customer relationship management services to their clients – who happen to be ANZ Bank and American Express!
Coming from Malaysia myself, I can perfectly relate to the “face” issue most migrants had to handle when they first started out here in Australia. Many of them came from relatively successful professional careers in their home countries after all. I have seen a former middle-aged Indian-Malaysian lawyer working as an insurance underwriter earning graduate entry-level salary, a former listed-company director driving a taxi, a former Filipino corporate accountant studying to become a nurse (because he could not find a satisfactory corporate accountant job) and a former Hong Kong University mathematics professor working as a sales representative in a mobile phone dealership – not because his English was not good enough, but because he did not sound Australian enough.

 

To migrate and live comfortably here in Australia, we need firstly to have the right knowledge – for example, the tax system here is very, as a tax accountant friend says, “oppressive”. One needs to be financially stronger first, otherwise one is here to throw good money away! Yes, we will get some income support and welfare payment, but that is like hoping for free medical treatment when we should not be bleeding in the first place.
To migrate or not to migrate – it is your call. It is your future at stake.

This article was excerpted and adapted from Migrating to Australia, Good Meh???, published by Gerak Budaya to help Malaysians make an informed decision on migrating to Australia

Recipe for a happy marriage

1 cup of consideration
2 cupfuls praise
1 reasonable budget
2 cupfuls of flattery carefully concealed
2 cupfuls milk of human kindness
1 gallon faith in God and each other
A generous dash of cooperation
3 teaspoons of pure extract of “I am sorry”
Children (more or less, to taste)
1 cup of confidence and encouragement
1 large or several small hobbies
1 cup of blindness to each others faults
1 cup of courtesy
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 cup of contentment

Flavor with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. 
Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper, or criticism. 
Sweeten well with generous portions of love and keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. 
Never serve with a cold shoulder or a hot tongue.

Touch of wonder

By Arthur Gordon
When I was about 13 and my brother 10, our father promised to take us to the circus. 

But then at lunchtime there was a phone call--some urgent business that required his attention downtown--and we braced ourselves for disappointment. 

But then we heard him say, "No, I won't be able to come down. It's going to have to wait."

He came back to the table and mother smiled, "The circus keeps coming back, you know."

"I know," he said, "but childhood doesn't."

After all these years I remember that moment.  

And I knew from the sudden glow of warmth that no kindness is ever really wasted or completely lost. 

Because the only thing you take with you to heaven is your family.

39 Points handbook for a happy family

Health: 
1.       Drink plenty of water.
2.       Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3.       Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4.       Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5.       Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.
6.       Play more games.
7.       Read more books this year than you did last year.
8.       Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9.       Sleep for 7 hours.
10.    Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile. 

Personality: 
11.    Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12.    Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13.    Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14.    Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16.    Dream more while you are awake.
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20.    Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of thecurriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23.    Smile and laugh more.
24.    You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 

Society: 
25.    Call your family often.
26.    Each day give something good to others.
27.    Forgive everyone for everything.
28.    Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30.    What other people think of you is none of your business.
31.    Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. 

Life: 
32.    Do the right thing!
33.    Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34.    GOD heals everything.
35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37.    The best is yet to come.
38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39.    Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Just stay

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.

"Your son is here," she said to the old man.

She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened. Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile. He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited. Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked.

The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.

"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"

"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell who was there or not, I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed. "

"I came here tonight to find a Mr. William Grey. His son was killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform him. What was this gentleman's name?"

The nurse replied, with tears in her eyes, , "that was Mr. William Grey."

The next time someone needs you ... just be there. 

Stay

This article was published in The Star yesterday 12-12-12. Made my Daddy proud too. Hope you like it too.
http://parenthots.com/features/Fatherhood-made-me-a-better-man.aspx

Fatherhood made me a better man

12 December 2012

With daddy around, every day is like Christmas for (from left) Ewan, Ethan and Estelle Ong!

FATHERS FIGURE
By BOBBY ONG KENG HSING

“Most unlikely to settle down.” That’s probably the most common presumption everyone put down in the yearbook for me during our days in King Edward school in Taiping, Perak. I was cheeky and never too serious about my future. That was, until I met my wife at the age of 27. Five minutes into meeting her, I turned to my best friend and said: “Simon, you see that woman? I am going to marry her.” And we got married 18 months after that.

Now, 10 years later and counting, I’m the father of three boisterous children, Ethan Ong Heng Kit, nine, Ewan Ong Heng Hon, six, and Estelle Sophie Ong Tong En, three. Now, this is the best part. Apparently, I’m the most “prolific” among ALL my schoolmates. Some of my classmates are not even married yet, let alone have kids.

“What do you mean you have three children? You can’t be serious.” Oh, but I am.

I may have been playful during our school days, but parenthood gave me a focus I never knew was inside me all this while.

When Ethan was born, I was working shifts in Westport, a seaport in Port Klang, Selangor. I would be home after the graveyard shift at nine in the morning and try to catch a few hours’ sleep. But Ethan’s constant crying put paid to that. People may know the words “patience and perseverance” but they do not know the real meaning until they actually become parents. Regardless of all the tantrums and fits the children have thrown, I love them more than life itself.

You want to know what is a “money can’t buy” experience? It’s when at the end of a busy day, you realise that you have time to fetch your boy from school instead of letting him take the bus home. And when he bounds down the steps once the school bell rings to find you waiting for him, the look of joy on his face is priceless.

When I reach home and find my little princess Estelle waiting for me with a hug and a kiss, I really don’t care if I have lost out on a million-dollar deal that day. It won’t matter anymore as long as I have these three bundles of joy.

I recently took a big change of career for a single reason - my children. I may have been earning more previously, but with this new vocation, I have more time to spend with my children and I believe no one can put a price on that.

I will always remember the time my parents gave me when I was growing up. My father and mother always made time to support me in whatever activity I was involved in, be it education, sports or extra-curricular. And so I made a promise to myself that I would devote the same to my children. I have noticed some changes since I started spending more time with them.

They have become more responsive and alert, and begun to learn different things at a faster pace. This, by itself, is another great bonus of being a hands-on parent. I realised something else, too. That the children of this generation are not too attached to their parents and will often detach themselves by the age of 13. So, from the time your child starts communicating up to the age of 12, is the most precious time you will ever get to spend with them.

I thank God for every day and every hour I get to be with my children because, come to think of it, your children are almost like extensions of yourself. They will see how you act, speak and treat others. Before long, they will imitate and mime your actions, if not, at the very least, the way you speak.

Thus, there is no better incentive for anyone to be a better person than for your children. Now, that must surely be the best reward any parent can get. I may not be the best role model out there, but there’s nothing that will make me happier than doing my part to ensure my children grow up to be good, decent members of society.

A letter to a daughter

On June 8th of 1950, nine months after being arrested by the Czech secret police on suspicion of leading a plot to overthrow the Communist regime, 48-year-old socialist politician Milada Horáková was found guilty of "high treason" following a show trial that was broadcast on national radio, and in which she remained defiant. On the 27th of that month, despite international outcry and a petition signed by, amongst others, Albert Einstein and Winston Churchill, Milada Horáková was executed at Prague's Pankrác Prison.

The night before her death, she wrote the following letter to her 16-year-old daughter.

In 1991, President Václav Havel posthumously awarded Horáková the Order of Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk.

(Source: George Mason University, via Mark Edwards; Image: Milada Horáková on trial, via YouTube.)

My only little girl Jana,

God blessed my life as a woman with you. As your father wrote in the poem from a German prison, God gave you to us because he loved us. Apart from your father's magic, amazing love you were the greatest gift I received from fate. However, Providence planned my life in such a way that I could not give you nearly all that my mind and my heart had prepared for you. The reason was not that I loved you little; I love you just as purely and fervently as other mothers love their children. But I understood that my task here in the world was to do you good by seeing to it that life becomes better, and that all children can live well. And therefore, we often had to be apart for a long time. It is now already for the second time that Fate has torn us apart. Don't be frightened and sad because I am not coming back any more. Learn, my child, to look at life early as a serious matter. Life is hard, it does not pamper anybody, and for every time it strokes you it gives you ten blows. Become accustomed to that soon, but don't let it defeat you. Decide to fight. Have courage and clear goals and you will win over life. Much is still unclear to your young mind, and I don't have time left to explain to you things you would still like to ask me. One day, when you grow up, you will wonder and wonder, why your mother who loved you and whose greatest gift you were, managed her life so strangely. Perhaps then you will find the right solution to this problem, perhaps a better one than I could give you today myself. Of course, you will only be able to solve it correctly and truthfully by knowing very, very much. Not only from books, but from people; learn from everybody, no matter how unimportant! Go through the world with open eyes, and listen not only to your own pains and interests, but also to the pains, interests and longings of others. Don't ever think of anything as none of your business. No, everything must interest you, and you should reflect about everything, compare, compose individual phenomena. Man doesn't live in the world alone; in that there is great happiness, but also a tremendous responsibility. That obligation is first of all in not being and not acting exclusive, but rather merging with the needs and the goals of others. This does not mean to be lost in the multitude, but it is to know that I am part of all, and to bring one's best into that community. If you do that, you will succeed in contributing to the common goals of human society. Be more aware of one principle than I have been: approach everything in life constructively—beware of unnecessary negation—I am not saying all negation, because I believe that one should resist evil. But in order to be a truly positive person in all circumstances, one has to learn how to distinguish real gold from tinsel. It is hard, because tinsel sometimes glitters so dazzlingly. I confess, my child, that often in my life I was dazzled by glitter. And sometimes it even shone so falsely, that one dropped pure gold from one's hand and reached for, or ran after, false gold. You know that to organize one's scale of values well means to know not only oneself well, to be firm in the analysis of one's character, but mainly to know the others, to know as much of the world as possible, its past, present, and future development. Well, in short, to know, to understand. Not to close one's ears before anything and for no reason—not even to shut out the thoughts and opinions of anybody who stepped on my toes, or even wounded me deeply. Examine, think, criticize, yes, mainly criticize yourself don't be ashamed to admit a truth you have come to realize, even if you proclaimed the opposite a little while ago; don't become obstinate about your opinions, but when you come to consider something right, then be so definite that you can fight and die for it. As Wolker said, death is not bad. Just avoid gradual dying which is what happens when one suddenly finds oneself apart from the real life of the others. You have to put down your roots where fate determined for you to live. You have to find your own way. Look for it independently, don't let anything turn you away from it, not even the memory of your mother and father. If you really love them, you won't hurt them by seeing them critically—just don't go on a road which is wrong, dishonest and does not harmonize with life. I have changed my mind many times, rearranged many values, but, what was left as an essential value, without which I cannot imagine my life, is the freedom of my conscience. I would like you, my little girl, to think about whether I was right.

Another value is work. I don't know which to assign the first place and which the second. Learn to love work! Any work, but one you have to know really and thoroughly. Then don't be afraid of any thing, and things will turn out well for you.

And don't forget about love in your life. I am not only thinking of the red blossom which one day will bloom in your heart, and you, if fate favors you, will find a similar one in the heart of another person with whose road yours will merge. I am thinking of love without which one cannot live happily. And don't ever crumble love—learn to give it whole and really. And learn to love precisely those who encourage love so little—then you won't usually make a mistake. My little girl Jana, when you will be choosing for whom your maiden heart shall burn and to whom to really give yourself remember your father.

I don't know if you will meet with such luck as I, I don't know if you will meet such a beautiful human being, but choose your ideal close to him. Perhaps you, my little one, have already begun to understand, and now perhaps you understand to the point of pain what we have lost in him. What I find hardest to bear is that I am also guilty of that loss.

Be conscious of the great love and sacrifice Pepik and Veruska are bringing you. You not only have to be grateful to them...you must help them build your common happiness positively, constructively. Always want to give them more for the good they do for you. Then perhaps you will be able to come to terms with their gentle goodness.

I heard from my legal representative that you are doing well in school, and that you want to continue...I was very pleased. But even if you would one day have to leave school and to work for your livelihood, don't stop learning and studying. If you really want to, you will reach your goal. I would have liked for you to become a medical doctor—you remember that we talked about it. Of course you will decide yourself and circumstances will, too. But if you stand one day in the traditional alma mater and carry home from graduation not only your doctor's diploma, but also the real ability to bring people relief as a doctor—then, my little girl...your mother will be immensely pleased...But your mother would only be...truly happy, no matter where you stand, whether at the operating table, at the...lathe, at your child's cradle or at the work table in your household, if you will do your work skillfully, honestly, happily and with your whole being. Then you will be successful in it. Don't be demanding in life, but have high goals. They are not exclusive of each other, for what I call demanding are those selfish notions and needs. Restrict them yourself. Realize that in view of the disaster and sorrow which happened to you, Vera, Pepicek, grandmother and grandfather...and many others will try to give you what they have and what they cannot afford. You should not only not ask them for it, but learn to be modest. If you become used to it, you will not be unhappy because of material things you don't have. You don't know how free one feels if one trains oneself in modesty...how he/she gets a head start over against the feeble and by how much one is safer and stronger. I really tried this out on myself And, if you can thus double your strength, you can set yourself courageous, high goals...Read much, and study languages. You will thereby broaden your life and multiply its content. There was a time in my life when I read voraciously, and then again times when work did not permit me to take a single book in my hand, apart from professional literature. That was a shame. Here in recent months I have been reading a lot, even books which probably would not interest me outside, but it is a big and important task to read everything valuable, or at least much that is. I shall write down for you at the end of this letter what I have read in recent months. I am sure you will think of me when you will be reading it.

And now also something for your body. I am glad that you are engaged in sports. Just do it systematically. I think that there should be rhythmic exercises, and if you have time, also some good, systematic gymnastics. And those quarter hours every morning! Believe me finally that it would save you a lot of annoyance about unfavorable proportions of your waist, if you could really do it. It is also good for the training of your will and perseverance. Also take care of your complexion regularly—I do not mean makeup, God forbid, but healthy daily care. And love your neck and feet as you do your face and lips. A brush has to be your good friend, every day, and not only for your hands and feet; use it on every little bit of your skin. Salicyl alcohol and Fennydin, that is enough for beauty, and then air and sun. But about that you will find better advisors than I am.

Your photograph showed me your new hairdo; it looks good, but isn't it a shame to hide your nice forehead? And that lady in the ball gown! Really, you looked lovely, but your mother's eye noticed one fault, which may be due to the way you were placed on the photograph—wasn't the neck opening a little deep for your sixteen years? I am sorry I did not see the photo of your new winter coat. Did you use the muff from your aunt as a fur collar? Don't primp, but whenever possible, dress carefully and neatly. And don't wear shoes until they arc run down at the heel! Are you wearing innersoles? And how is your thyroid gland? These questions don't, of course, require an answer, they are only meant as your mother's reminders.

In Leipzig in prison I read a book—the letters of Maria Theresa to her daughter Marie Antoinette. I was very much impressed with how this ruler showed herself to be practical and feminine in her advice to her daughter. It was a German original, and I don't remember the name of the author. If you ever see that book, remember that I made up my mind at that time that I would also write you such letters about my experiences and advice. Unfortunately I did not get beyond good intentions.

Janinko, please take good care of Grandfather Kral and Grandmother Horakova. Their old hearts now need the most consolation. Visit them often and let them tell you about your father's and mother's youth, so that you can preserve it in your mind for your children. In that way an individual becomes immortal, and we shall continue in you and in the others of your blood.

And one more thing—music. I believe that you will show your gratitude to Grandfather Horak for the piano which he gave you by practicing honestly, and that you will succeed in what Pepik wants so much, in accompanying him when he plays the violin or the viola. Please, do him that favor. I know that it would mean a lot to him, and it would be beautiful. And when you can play well together, play me the aria from Martha: "My rose, you bloom alone there on the hillside," and then: "Sleep my little prince" by Mozart, and then your father's favourite largo: " Under your window" by Chopin. You will play it for me, won't you? I shall always be listening to you.

Just one more thing: Choose your friends carefully. Among other things one is also very much determined by the people with whom one associates. Therefore choose very carefully. Be careful in everything and listen to the opinions of others about your girlfriends without being told. I shall never forget your charming letter (today I can tell you) which you once in the evening pinned to my pillow, to apologize when I caught you for the first time at the gate in the company of a girl and a boy. You explained to me at that time why it is necessary to have a gang. Have your gang, little girl, but of good and clean young people. And compete with each other in everything good. Only please don't confuse young people's springtime infatuation with real love. Do you understand me? If you don't, aunt Vera will help you explain what I meant. And so, my only young daughter, little girl Jana, new life, my hope, my future forgiveness, live! Grasp life with both hands! Until my last breath I shall pray for your happiness, my dear child!

I kiss your hair, eyes and mouth, I stroke you and hold you in my arms (I really held you so little.) I shall always be with you. I am concluding by copying from memory the poem which your father composed for you in jail in 1940...

Holding hands with your kids

I can relate to this story because my boys are growing fast. 
Just last month, I held on to Ethan's hand, and he was like,"Do I have to hold your hand?"
So, I said,"Well, I like to hold on to you, but it's up to you whether you want to still hold your daddy's hand".
He was like,"It's ok, daddy, I'll hold your hand".
SIGH


Last dance at the bus barW. Bruce Cameron
When my son was a toddler, he used to love riding in his car seat because it gave him a stable platform from which to pitch things at the back of my head. His giggly joy when he managed to nail me with a soggy chunk of Pop Tart was so full of delight I couldn’t find it in my heart to get mad at him, though I hated it when my boss would interrupt a meeting to ask me if I realized I had pastry crumbs in my hair.
When he wasn’t filling the air with projectiles he would be singing out landmarks as we passed them. “Bus Bar!” he always cried when we drove by the outbuilding where the county kept the school busses corralled—the “bus barn.” In the summer the busses baked under the sun like large beasts napping in a field, but during the school year the busses were sometimes out on their rounds, inspiring a conversation like this:

“No bus Daddy?”

“No, no busses today.”

“No bus?”

“No bus.”

“No bus?”

“No bus.”

“No bus?”

“Okay, fine. Yes. Yes, there was a bus.”

“No bus?”

I’m not sure when it was decided that it was no longer necessary for him to be strapped into a child safety seat whenever we went for a car ride, though I am fairly certain it was before he got his driver’s license. And I don’t remember the last time he thought the lack of busses at the bus barn was a topic worthy of debate.

What I do remember is the last time he held my hand. We were downtown on a crisp fall afternoon, navigating on foot through the impatient rush-hour traffic on our way to the bookstore. This is a kid who grew up in the mountains and who had always regarded automobiles as solitary hunters; confronted with so many of them on the prowl at once, their tires barking angrily at stoplights, he became very nervous. He might have been aged eight, then—certainly old enough that my instinctive, parental reach for him whenever we crossed a street was always shaken off with a shrug of annoyance. But the very real danger posed by all that hurtling metal caused him to seek reassurance, and I felt his hand curl up into mine as we stepped off the curb.

It was the size of it that struck me, how much his fist had grown since the last time I’d held it. That, in turn, led me to reflect on the fact that we just didn’t hold hands any more.

Safely across the street, he released me, and we left the episode un-remarked. For me, though, it was a rare milestone in the otherwise shockingly swift transformation of my little boy into man.

Parents are not often afforded the opportunity to specifically remember and treasure the last time our kids perform some childlike act. I can’t recall the final bedtime story I read my children, or the last time any of them needed to be carried anywhere. I didn’t notice when it was no longer necessary for me to kiss every one of their dolls goodnight when I tucked my daughters in, or even the last time I tucked them in. There’s no warning that a treasured ritual is having its curtain call; if there were, perhaps we’d do something special to record the occasion, in memory if not on paper or video tape, so that maybe we could relive that precious moment.

Nowadays whenever I pass the bus barn and the yellow behemoths are out on their routes, I note it for the record. “No busses,” I murmur, even if I am by myself. If my son is in the car with me he gives me a bland look, registering my observation but clearly feeling the matter doesn’t call for further conversation. He doesn’t remember.

But I do remember, just as clearly as I can remember the wet smack of a partially chewed pop tart catching me behind the right ear, and the last time he held my hand, crossing a busy street on an autumn afternoon.

—————–
From The Cameron Column, a free Internet newsletter:
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/
"W. Bruce Cameron is the author of the NY Times bestselling novels A Dog's Purpose and the sequel, A Dog's Journey."

Why I've decided to be a full time father

Yesterday was a school day.


It was one of those mornings.

You know the type.

Things are tense.

Our infant girl had been up all night.

My wife's eyes (along with the rest of her) were weary.

My oldest son, the nine-year-old, wasn't feeling his best either. 


He was slow getting ready for school. 


He understandably didn't feel like going.

It was just one of those mornings.

You know the type.

As I drove him to school, he was quiet. 


When parents are tense and tired, the children feel it. 


They know by word and gesture when their acts and attitudes are less tolerated. 


After being fussed at, he was sullen.

It was one of those mornings.

You know the type.

I walked him to his classroom as usual. He walked in, took his bag and placed it.

I usually give my son a hug before I leave him in school. 


I knew today he really needed a big hug, and maybe so did I.

He came forward with his arms outstretched. 


I bowed down, clasped my arms around him, closed my eyes and hugged him tight.

Normally, I would only hug him for two or three seconds but on this morning, I held him tight as the seconds ticked by like dashed lines on the highway. 


All of a sudden, I felt him get heavier.

Still clinging to my son, I opened my eyes. 


I understood why he had gotten heavier. 


His feet were off the ground. 


He had curled his legs up and his heels were only inches away from his backside.

He clung.

I clung.

Sometimes in life no words are needed. 


As he folded his legs up and trusted his father to carry all of his weight, he didn't get heavier to my spirit.

I actually felt lighter.

It was a ritual repeated countless times through countless years from countless parents to countless children.

The touch and embrace between a parent and a child, make them both feel more secure.

It was one of those mornings.

You know the type.

Crossroads

I've been reflecting on the past 15 years.
The crossroads I have encountered.
The various turns I have taken.
Although it's a principle of mine not to look back with regret, there's always that bit of thought lingering around, "hmm, what if......?".
Then when I visualise the road taken via the other route, I know that I wouldn't have done it any other way.
Now, there's another crossing coming.
Do I go on straight and continue on this path?
Or do I take the less stressful one?
I don't doubt that either path will take me up higher, but it will just be a matter of when.
To make the decision, I will have to narrow down the few major factors in the equation.
Will the extra money matter for the time I will be putting in?
Am I going to be neglecting my 3 children in the meantime?

The last question has been gnawing on my conscience. A lot.
And the way I see it, I've been doing things everyday without realising exactly how much progress am I making.
Reminds me of this quote from Much Ado About Nothing.
Yeah, from my fav writer Bill.

Oh what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not knowing what they do!

Thought for the Day

No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity,


if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family,

what have you really accomplished?

Elbert Hubbard, 1856 - 1915