#ThursdayThoughts

When you don't have money, you think money is going to solve your problems —and to some extent it does. 

But at a certain point it brings its own problems with it. 

Having money is like a having a child. 

You have to care for it, you have to tend to it, and you have to watch it every minute! 

You do this not only to make sure it grows, but to make sure it doesn’t shrink. 

Money is alive and volatile! 

That means I am constantly thinking about my money. 

If you’ve never experienced it, it might be hard for you to understand. 

Amazing feeling! But that’s what’s crazy. I mean, I enjoy all this stuff well enough. 

But as far as my possessions go, honestly — and I’ve really thought about this — I get more pleasure from my FAMILY than anything else. 

That’s the truth, the absolute fucking truth. 

Materially, I don’t need much to be happy. 

I already have everything I want. 

What I am working for, if I am entirely honest, is just the thrill of making more money. 

It’s like playing a game, a game in which the prize is power, the power that is represented by that money. 

Power for what? It doesn't matter! 

The prize is the power itself. It is the feeling of power. 

There is a sensation I get when I make money… If you haven’t experienced it, I can only compare it to sex, or gambling, or a drug. 

It’s exactly like that — maybe even better. 

So my investments and my business ventures are like various casino games, except in my games the odds usually favor me…. And what I live for on a daily basis — this is the darned truth — is just the thrill of playing those games. 

I first started to realize how fucked I was when I found myself thinking about other people’s professions in terms of the bottom line. 

I mean, I have a pal from childhood who is a doctor, and I found myself thinking what an irrational job choice this was for him. He cares about money too, and I just thought, what a waste, how inefficient a use of his time and talent… there are so many better ways to make money. 

Crazy, huh? 

I don’t know what the hell it’s like to be a doctor, but I would guess there’s a whole level of meaning there that people get off on. 

I am not sure I like who I am. 

But I have no choice, no more than a lifelong drug or sex addict does. 

I see businessmen bullshit themselves about why they are really doing it — you know, that they are trying to improve society, or it’s all for their family, or whatever other bull crap. 

That could just be PR, but it also can be self-deception. 

Don’t fool yourself, I think! 

I know you! 

You’re just feeding the monkey! … So, that’s my story. 

I am not entirely proud of my life, but I accept it. 

I try to be as comfortable as I can, to have as much fun as I can, but I’m not in denial about anything. 

I know I’m basically just a junkie living for the next hit of MONEY.