Parliament Passes Malaysians With No Abilities Act

Warning: This is satire, as I've heard the MCMC is too idiotic to be able to distinguish between a good joke and what is real.

Parliament Passes Malaysians With No Abilities Act

PUTRAJAYA—On Tuesday, Parliament approved the Malaysians With No Abilities Act (MANA), sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 5 million talentless Malaysians.


The act, signed into law by PM Najib shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the millions of Malaysian citizens who lack any real skills or uses.

"Roughly 50 percent of Malaysians—through no fault of their own--do not possess the talent necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Najib, a longtime MANA supporter.

"We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

"Their lives are futile hamster-wheel existences of unrewarding, dead-end busywork: xeroxing documents written by others, fulfilling coupons for get-rich-quick schemes, and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever see. Sadly, for these millions of nonabled Malaysians, the Malaysian dream of working hard and moving up through the ranks is simply not a reality."

The Prime Minister pointed to the success of the Civil Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of government employees lack job skills, making it the single largest employer of Persons of Inability.


Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and "warehouse" stores (65%).
The JPJ also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under MANA, more than 500,000 important-sounding "middle man" positions will be created in the white-collar sector for nonabled persons, providing them with an illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory, non-performance-based raises and promotions will also be offered to create a sense of upward mobility for even the most unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees.

The legislation also provides corporations with incentives to hire nonabled workers, including tax breaks for those who hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees.

Finally, MANA also contains tough new measures to prevent discrimination against the nonabled by banning prospective employers from asking such job-interview questions as, "What can you bring to this organization?" and "Do you have any special skills that would make you an asset to this company?"

"As a nonabled person, I frequently find myself unable to keep up with co-workers who have something going for them," said Joceline Tan, who lost her position as an unessential pencil sharpener at the Prime Minister's Department last month due to her inability to remember 'anti-clockwise to sharpen'.
"This new law should really help people like me." Tan added.

With the passage of MANA, Tan and millions of other untalented, inessential citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Minister Liow Tiong Lai: 'As a Minister with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every Malaysian with no abilities.
It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every Malaysian citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.