Life's wisdom: Relationship advice

There is NO such thing as a 50-50 split. 

Things will always be unequal between partners. 

Some days you will be called on to give more because your wife needs more help, but the scales always tip back and next week you may need her support. 

At times, you may be called on to give 100%, or you may need her complete support because you have nothing left to give.

Here's the important part: if you are not willing to accept this temporarily unequal state of affairs, then you shouldn't be married. 

If you don't love your wife enough to put her happiness and wellbeing above your own, then you don't deserve it when she does that for you.

10 most important life skills

• The skill of truly listening to others. Most people are simply waiting for their turn to speak in a given conversation. Don’t be one of them. Learn to listen to what others have to say. To internalize it and truly understand it. It will make a world of difference.
• The skill of accepting yourself. We’re all fucked up. We all have trauma. We all have parts of ourselves that we hate. It’s simply a part of the human condition. To experience true happiness, you must learn to accept yourself as you are while you work to transform yourself into who you need to be.
• The skill of saying “no”. Most of us allow other people’s schedules and agendas to run our lives. From our parents to our friends to our coworkers to our bosses. We’ve become a nation of “yes men” (and women” incapable of prioritizing our own needs and desires. Learn to say “no” and mean it to make more time for the things that matter.
• The skill of being happy with where you are. Famous venture capitalist Naval Ravikant has said that, “Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” And he’s right. Most of us have more luxury, abundance, and convenience than the richest and most prosperous humans of the last thousand years. But we’re completely miserable. You must learn to be happy with where you are. To appreciate your stage in the journey of life while you work toward your goals and ambitions. Happiness is a choice. So choose happiness.
• The skill of authenticity. Most people think of authenticity as something you “have” or “don’t have”. But authenticity is a skill and a choice. You must learn how to act in alignment with what you really value, to shut out the noise of society, and to listen to your higher self. Although we are all born with this skill, the world beats it out of us by the time we hit puberty and it’s up to you to strengthen it once again.
• The skill of selecting the right romantic partners. Nothing will have a bigger impact, for better or worse, than the person with whom you choose to share your life. The problem is, most people are horrible at selecting the right romantic partner for themselves. To develop this skill, you must first gain a clear understanding of who you are and what you value and seek partners who align with your vision and values. If you do not learn this skill, you’re in for a world of hurt.
• The skill of relaxing and being. Most of us struggle to simply be. We think we have to be doing something all the time to be worthy of love or acceptance. But the truth is, you are enough just as you are. You must learn how to unwind and simply be present. To enjoy the experience of being human without needing to constantly be in motion. There’s a reason that both Eastern and Western philosophy claim presence is the ultimate form of enlightenment.
• The skill of perspective. When disaster strikes, it’s easy to believe that our world is ending. That the universe hates us. That everything is going to hell in a handbasket. But the simple truth is that—baring death or catastrophic injury—very few things matter as much as we pretend they do. You’re going to be fine and the worst-case scenario is still better than what 50% of the population faces on a daily basis. Never lose sight of this.
• The skill of resilience. Most people assume that tough, mentally strong, and disciplined people were simply “born that way”. But after interviewing 400+ of the world’s highest achievers, I’ve learned that nothing could be further from the truth. Resilience and disciplines are skills. Skills that take time, pain, and persistent inoculation against stress. (Go take cold showers for 30 days and you’ll see what I mean).
• The skill of speaking your truth. To live the happiest life possible, you must live in integrity with your truth. You must own who you are, what you believe, and what you want without fear or reservation. And you must develop the skill of speaking your truth with kindness…even (and especially) when it’s hard. As the old saying goes, “The truth will set you free”

3 big ideas

Big Idea #1

You don’t find your passion, you create it.

Trying to “find your passion” implies that there is some purpose out there waiting for, some higher calling, and all you have to do is discover it…

“Finding your passion” is a cliché excuse for not committing to anything.

You’re not “destined” for anything – you can do whatever you want.

And usually, what you’re most passionate about, is right under your nose.

Big Idea #2

It’s not about Your Passion, It’s About Your Values…

If you are “looking for your passion” – switch your focus to your values.

You must understand what you value deepest in life, and pursue activities that help you maximize those values.

What kind of impact do you want to make on the world? What kind of skills would you like to develop? What do you want to create? What do you want to be good at?

You don’t need to know these answers fully, but you do need to take action.

Once you get started, on anything, your mind mobilizes its forces to your aid.

But nothing happens until you start on something.

Big Idea #3

Passion is a side effect of mastery.

We tend to be excited and happy with things we’re good at.

We tend to love things we’re good at, especially when they impact people, or make us money.

You should adopt the mindset of a craftsman – shifting your focus away from “finding your passion” and instead, on mastering your craft.

On committing to become the best in the world at your thing.

Do this and amazing things will happen.

You may just discover your passion ;)

And remember…

Even the most passionate people in the world don’t feel “passionate” all the time.

Like motivation, passion is an emotion.

Which means it’s inconsistent and unreliable.

So, instead of wasting energy “finding your passion”, the lesson today is:

Pursue whatever interests you…

Get really good at your “thing.”

And get started on something, anything.

and be awesome!

Paradoxes of Life

1. The more you seek approval from others, the less you will get it.
2. You can only be brave when you are afraid.
3. If you aren’t happy now, you won’t be happy after you achieve your goals.
4. We aren’t wired to be happy and fulfilled, but to be miserable and safe.
5. Without failures, there can be no consistent success.
6. Wisdom is realizing that you know so little.
7. The more available you are to people, the less they will respect you.
8. Nobody will love you if you don’t love yourself.
9. A king and a slave have the same duties i.e. to serve others.
10. If you find yourself in toxic relationships over and over again, then it’s your fault — you teach people how to treat you.
11. Whatever you think is stopping you from living the life you want is not stopping you, but only you.